healing from betrayal

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Often connected with the experience of trauma, betrayal walks in the shadows of the hearts of Others. Others, who could have been friends, Others, who could have been fellow travellers, Others who could have offered … an understanding.
… But didn’t.

What hurts more? – the acts inflicting trauma, or the act of betrayal when no one stepped in to support you, to offer an understanding, to let you know that you are not alone in this, to see you, to see your struggles. It’s devastating when the one who have hurt you is someone who was supposed to protect you, to nurture, to provide for you.

It’s the feeling of betrayal that hurts more. Authors in the trauma field tell us that the act of betrayal hurts deeper, and this feeling lingers on, and on, and on. Years after years, decades after decades. It could impact all aspects of how you experience the world and yourself in this world. It might make you feel any of the following:

“I wasn’t worth much as a person, otherwise they/he/she would not have hurt me in the first place. I am not worth much as a person, otherwise they/he/she would have stepped in and protect, provide, see, understand … me. They/he/she would have been … bothered by my experience and my pain.”

Recovering from trauma often is about arriving in a safe space and acknowledging all the aspects of your experience, creating a different feeling. It is about learning to be in a connection again – with yourself and with others, learning how to breath, allowing yourself to feel. Recovery is not about forgiving or forgetting, although perhaps along your healing journey, you might achieve some sense of forgiving.

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© Vassilka Vass, 2022